Living as a man has been quite a journey. My whole life I have dreamed of growing up to be a man. I would study and adopt masculine behaviors. Now I just want to act like myself. I don’t want to fit into a gender stereotype of what a man is supposed to be. The “masculine” behaviors I have now are ones inherent in me, not because I saw someone else do them.
I did however learn the rules quickly for interacting with other guys. Don’t stare at them unless you want to start a fight or pick one up. Give a firm handshake. That’s the time to look another guy in the eye. Take up space. I am small, so I sit and stand up straight. It’s fine to interrupt anyone if you think what you have to say is more important. (I think that is crap, and hate being around guys who do that.) Keep your eyes off the guys in the locker room, unless you are really quick. Real men don’t wear shorts. I asked the friend who said this, “Why?” His reply was, “My dad never did.” There are so many bizarre behaviors and notions bio men in our culture grasp on to. I am surprised every day to be let in on the newest thing men do and don’t do.
I miss the sense of community I used to have with women. I would see a lady on the street walking home around nine or ten at night and we would smile walking past each other. There was a sense of safety and friendliness. Now, if I am “spotted” by a lady on the street, she crosses the street. I used to do the same thing. I did not want to deal with a strange guy either. Also no more crass jokes, even if they are just jokes. It’s not funny anymore because I am not a dirty dyke anymore.
I have to say with all the bullshit that comes along with being a man…this is the best decision that I have ever made in my life. I have never felt stronger or more certain of myself as a person. I am assertive and patient at the right moments. That may also be age, but the transition from female to male builds character. And places the ability to make yourself a man into your own hands.
Vogue Homme Japan’s 5th issue, due to drop September 5 features the one and only Lady Gaga dressed as a man with a pompadour. The accompanying article includes a short interview with the cover model, “Jo Calderone.”
Where are you from?
Palermo, Sicily How would you describe what you do / your occupation?
Mechanic for my dad’s business. This is the first time I’ve had my picture taken. When did you discover you wanted to do this?
Well, I always helped my dad at work, since I was a kid. I thought it would be fun to have my picture taken. What are your ambitions?
I’d love to own my own car shop, I have a bunch of my own ‘muscle’ cars. Maybe if I take some more pictures I can afford it. What is your relationship with Lady Gaga?
I met her at a shoot Nick Knight was doing. She’s fuckin beautiful, and funny, and interesting. I was a little nervous for Nick to start shooting. She said, “Don’t be baby, you were “born this way.” I took her out after. The rest is private.
The Campus Climate Index takes a close look at the policies, resources and practices having to do with lgbtq students and rates accordingly. We’ve listed the top of the top, in no particular order, and what makes them special.
Shane Windmeyer, Campus Pride executive director and creator of the Campus Climate Index, explained that “the rising number of campuses across the nation willing to stand up and speak out for their LGBT students is a testament to the growing recognition that educational environments should be safe and inclusive of all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Although not all schools earn a five-star ranking, their voluntary presence and participation in the Index shows they are committed to ‘coming out’ for their students and creating truly equal and impactful communities of higher learning.”
Carleton College
Carleton College
Ranked among the nation’s best colleges, Carleton College is a small, private liberal arts college in the historic river town of Northfield, Minnesota.
Carleton offers The Gender and Sexuality Center, the Coming Out Support and Discussion Group, the Trans/Gender Support and Discussion Group, The College Chapel for the LGBT community, and The Career Center, which is the place to find internship and job opportunity resources for the Carleton LGBT community.
Humboldt State University
Humboldt State University
The northernmost California State University is a great place to live and learn. They offer a Queer Student Union whose mission is to create a safe, open and confidential atmosphere where gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and queer persons and our allies can gather, openly discuss important issues, and make new friends.
Ithaca College
Ithaca College
Located roughly halfway between Manhattan and Toronto, this thriving, culturally diverse city of 30,000 combines small-town warmth and charm with cosmopolitan flair. IC offers campus-wide LGBT-themed education programs and social events including speakers, a film series, and Gaypril, LGBT Awareness month.
Oberlin College
Oberlin College
Oberlin College uniquely combines both a leading College of Arts and Sciences and a world-renowned Conservatory of Music.
Oberlin offers The Oberlin College LGBT Community History Project is an interactive archive created to record, preserve, and make available Oberlin College’s LGBT history. Find it at http://www.oberlinlgbt.org/content/
Oregon State University
Oregon State University
Oregon State is a leading research university located in one of the safest, smartest, greenest small cities in the nation. Situated 90 miles south of Portland, and an hour from the Cascades or the Pacific Coast, Corvallis is the perfect home base for exploring Oregon’s natural wonders.
OSU offers and thriving Pride Center and Gender Inclusive Housing, which means that anyone can choose to live in a room or suite with anyone else. Students can choose to live with each other without restriction based on gender identification. This program allows friends of varying genders to be assigned to the same room or suite.
Princeton University
Princeton University
Princeton University in New Jersey was recently named one of the top 20 “Best of the Best” campuses for LGBT students in The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students as well!
Princeton offers a wealth of glbtq resources, including Pride Alliance, Queer Graduate Caucus, First-Year Group, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning (LGBQ) Students, Transcending Boundaries (The Gender Group), Questioning & LGBT Athletes, Queering the Colorline, Chattin with the Chaplain, and the Princeton LGBT Task Force.
San Diego State University
San Diego State University
Number one: beginning this year, SDSU now offers gender-neutral housing. Number two: just look at this school—it’s fabulous.
Syracuse University
Syracuse University
SU offers Fusion, an informal monthly gathering for LGBT students, faculty, and staff of color to come together and celebrate the diversity within the LGBT community. Also Quse, a weekly discussion group for students new to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer & Ally (LGBTQA) campus community. And TransCuse, a bi-monthly discussion group for transgender identified folks, their partners and friends.
University of Vermont, Burlington
University of Vermont, Burlington Free To Be Student Club is a Student Government Association (SGA) recognized club, entirely run by students. According to its mission statement, the group exists “to actively work on creating a safe space for people of all sexualities and individualities within ourselves and the GLBTA and UVM communities.” The group welcomes anyone who is interested and has many members who are allies. It is active throughout the year, with events drawing anywhere from 40 to 300 people.
Washington University in St. Louis
Washington University in St. Louis
WU offers a multi-focused Pride Alliance, Safe Zones organization, Alternative Lifestyle Association, the Open group and the Social Justice Center.
Also earning top honors: San Diego State University, The Ohio State University, The Pennsylvania State University, University of California at Berkeley, University of California at Los Angeles, University of California at Riverside, University of Maine at Farmington, University of Oregon, University of Pennsylvania and the University of Southern California.
Coming out again…I thought my mother was going to have the big one when she heard about this. “Hello Mom, I have started the process of getting a sex change. I am now living as a man and I would like for you and the rest of the world to refer to as male.” This was anticlimactic. I could barely get out what I was trying to say to her because I was crying. She was calm, or in shock, and replied, “I taught you the truth and what you do with it as an adult is your decision.” I was raised in a fairly strict Mormon household. Mormons do not tolerate queers.
She knew this was coming because she used to read my journals as a child and as an adolescent. I would write about how much I wanted to grow up to be a man or wake up from the dream of being born a girl. She also said it was her fault because she let me wear boys clothing. She didn’t explode, so I told my siblings. My little sister and brother said they always knew I was going to get a sex change. They were very supportive. My grandmother said she always knew too. She does really well with using male pronouns. My father said, “if that’s what you want to do, I don’t understand it, but I will love you.”
I told my employer and coworkers, who received the decision with open minds. They made work a supportive atmosphere. My boss is the same age as my mother but he has a very different outlook on life. He asked me, “is this process going to be safe? Are you sure this decision to transition is really going to make you happy?” All of my close friends, family and clients asked me those same questions. In turn, my not-so-good friends, clients and family stopped communicating and seeing me. I wasn’t sure how this was going to play out, but it was remarkably non-confrontational. The hard part was saying the words, “I am transitioning from female to male and from now on I would like for you to refer to me with male pronouns.” After that, the assholes dropped out and the curious stayed to find out more.
So, I became a transgender educator every day at work and among my friends and family. I explained where I was in the process and what steps were involved in changing my sex. As I began passing/living as a man I didn’t talk about it as much. I enjoyed being known as a guy. On occasion I would “out” myself by saying, “when I was a lesbian…” I had told so many of my clients about transitioning I couldn’t remember who I came out to and who I didn’t. I decided if I wanted to share an experience from my female life with a client, it was not going to compromise my transition. It was an opportunity to educate and share my experience.
Lea T, the most talked-about Brazilian model is causing a stir not just for her striking good looks—
She is the inspiration of Riccardo Tisci, Givenchy’s creative director. She is also starring in Givenchy’s latest ad campaign.
Born Leandro Cerezo, the 28 year-old model is preparing for full gender reassignment surgery by undergoing hormone replacement therapy.
In this month’s French Vogue Lea posed nude, with long brown hair falling over her breasts and one hand barely covering her soon-to-be gone male genitalia.
Formerly working as a male model, Lea said she had always felt feminine and struggled with her identity. She was often mistaken for a woman. She said, “I had a big Afro similar to Michael Jackson’s in his Jackson Five days,” she told the magazine. “When I walked into a room for a casting, there would always be someone who would say: ‘The girls’ casting is that way!’”
Lea, now studying veterinary medicine, recently told Italian Vanity Fair that the transition so far has been difficult. She has suffered insults on the streets of Milan and said that her hormone therapy makes her feel “constantly premenstrual.”
Looking for a therapist to discuss transitioning was easier than I thought. I found a newsletter with numerous resources at the local gay bookstore. An advertisement caught my eye and I held onto it for a week before calling the number. I was nervous and I had a lot of questions. Was this the right way to find a therapist? Will he be the right therapist? Is he going to be a jerk because he’s a bio guy? Will he judge me for my decision to transition from female to male? Can I afford this?
I called him and we made an appointment for a consultation. His office was at his house just down the street from mine. We discussed his experience with the trans community and that he did not do mother issues.I thought that was really funny. I had dealt with my own mother issues in college with several therapists. He had previously counseled a transwoman and was friendly and easy to talk to. I told him I wanted to work with him and he put me on his book for the next week. He even gave me a sliding scale price to fit my budget.
In therapy I was asked a lot of important questions. Why do you feel like you are a man? When did you realize you did not fit into the gender binary? What does masculinity mean to you? What was your father like? What other masculine examples in your life do you look up to? What do you know about the transition process? Are you ready to permanently alter your body with hormones and surgeries? Do you have a support system of friends or family? Are you able to pass as a man? Can you transition at work? Are you in a relationship with an understanding and supportive partner? All of those questions and quite a few more helped me put things in perspective. I needed to make this happen. I couldn’t live the rest of my life hating being in my own skin. My fear of being alone and unloved was the only thing holding me back.
In our discussions I learned coping skills and techniques. He even sent me to a meditation seminar to learn more coping skills to help me control my anxiety and get in touch with my ideal self. Most importantly I had to develop patience with myself and my transition process.
I finally decided I had to transition after being depressed for a better part of my teens and twenties. The outside, my body, needed to match the inside where I was existing as a man. When I looked in the mirror I saw a stranger, in a sense. This person was looking back at me and was hurting. It was like I was hiding inside this body I was in that technically belonged to me. I questioned if it was the right thing to do. Being a lesbian who was viewed as a very strong feminist and a “man hater,” who could take me seriously? I talked a ton of shit to prove my masculinity only to prove I was an angry little dyke.I am all about girl power, well, for all the girls. I never felt like I was one of the girls.
A question was proposed that really put things into perspective for me. “If I could take a pill and wake up as the opposite sex permanently, would I do it?” Of course my answer was “yes, without a doubt!” After really thinking about this I knew I had to find a way to make this transition happen.
I talked about this to all of my friends, at least the ones I didn’t scare off with my posturing. I saw several therapists who were sympathetic. So through friends, research and talking about wanting to transition from female to male I came to the conclusion I could not live as a female anymore. My life until that moment felt like a lie. Transitioning was the hardest and best decision I have ever made.
Johnny Blazes brought hir show to Richmond May 5th. The “wo(n)man” show is caberet arts with theatre, creating a series of vignettes that are a humorous look at the gender stereotypes that pervade our world. Q town had the skinny on hir groupies, the solo show and being a genderqueer transperson.
Q town: Seems like you do it all: drag, theatre, clowning, burlesque and circus arts-tell us if we’ve left anything out- how did you become interested in this type of performing?
Johnny: You left out opera! Although I’m kind of loathe to give that information away, since it’s a wonderfully surprising moment in the show when I first start singing. I remember this moment in high school, crying to my dad that I would never be able combine all my loves—theater, dance, voice, social activism, languages. I didn’t want to do musical theater, and I didn’t want to do opera, but those seemed like the only two ways to combine even a few of my passions. Then at some point in college, I realized that I didn’t need to play by anyone else’s rules—I could create performances that included everything I loved. It’s not always easy to find venues that work with what I do, but no one gets into performing because it’s easy.
Q town: Have you had any embarrassing moments on stage?
Johnny: It’s pretty hard to embarrass me—I’m a clown! I’ve had costume malfunctions, wigs go flying off my head, audience volunteers upstage me, but I always treat those moments as opportunities to try something new. One of the best performance memories I have is of a burlesque number I did with my favorite collaborators, Madge of Honor and Havalah Grace Backus, in a Boston showing of The Femme Show. About 30 seconds into our piece, the CD started skipping horribly, getting worse and worse over the course of the next 5 minutes. But we just looked at each other and silently decided to keep going with the piece, incorporating the skipping of the CD into the piece. We had the audience crying with laughter by the time we left the stage.
Q town: What can we look forward to in your solo show, “wo(n)man show?”
Johnny: “wo(n)man show” weaves together personal stories and archetypal characters using all the art forms you named above: theater, dance, drag, clowning and circus arts, as well as classical voice and object transformation—which is a fancy way of saying “using one object to represent another object, feeling or quality.” A bit like puppetry, but more abstract. The personal stories are all theatricalized versions of the truth- a combination of episodes from my own life, or from other gender-variant people who’ve told me their stories. They serve as an anchor for the more ridiculous, flashy moments in the show, when I’m using drag and over-the-top stereotypes to embody various characters in my story.
Q town: What are some of the highlights so far in your career?
Johnny: One highlight was performing at the International Drag King Community Extravaganza (IDKE) in Arizona last fall. I performed one of my favorite short pieces, “Check One Please,” in the gorgeous Fox Theater in Tucson. It was a wonderful feeling to be alone in the midst of this vast stage and to feel the presence of an enormous house out past the stage lights, and to know that I could fill this great space with my own boisterous energy. When I got back to the hotel that night, Kate Bornstein, who was at the conference as the keynote speaker, pulled up in a car and stopped me to tell me how much she enjoyed my performance. Not only did it feel wonderfully validating to have one of my gender warrior heroes appreciate my work, but Kate is also an incredibly sweet person who gives earnest praise!
Another highlight was creating a comic with my best friend, Katie Diamond. It is a graphic version of a monologue that I created for The Femme Show, and overlaps in many ways with “wo(n)man show.” Working with a comic artist to express myself was wonderful—it made me realize that comics and physical theater have so much in common. Both media use visuals to express emotion, abstract ideas and action, and use text to support them rather than carry them through. The comic, which is titled “Transcension”, is being published in an anthology called Gender Outlaws 2: The Next Generation, due out in last August 2010.
Q town: Do your groupies tend to be more male or female?
Johnny: Most of my groupies are women and transpeople. I definitely have a few cisgendered men who are devout fans, but I think if you looked at the analytics on my Facebook fan page, you’d find that I’m more of a ladies’ man.
Q town: Gender is a popular theme in your performances. What drew you to explore gender so intensely?
Johnny: I create art from my own experience, and I create art because I have something to say about how the world is and how it could be. I believe in art as a tool for social change, and right now I want to work on changing are the narrow ways in which gender is defined in our society. It’s important to me because, as a genderqueer transperson, I directly experience the harmful effects of stereotyping and labeling, but also because all types of oppression are inextricably linked. Some people are trying to better our world by eradicating racism, some by eliminating poverty, and because gender is so central to my personal experience, that’s the lens that I use.
Q town: Do you have a favorite character in your “wo(n)man show?”
Johnny: It’s so hard to choose! One of my favorites is a high-femme character that I’ve named Connie. She has big blonde hair, ridiculously large balloon breasts, and is totally helpless. I like the moment when I first transform into Connie onstage, because as soon as I have all these feminine trappings on, I am completely incapable of doing anything for myself—Connie can’t even put her own shoes on. It’s a funny moment, and it’s also a really pointed critique of our society’s perceptions of femininity. We are surrounded every day by media telling us how to be women, how to be men, that I think we re inured to the absurdity of some of these expectations. By taking stereotypes to such an extreme that the audience has to laugh, I hope that I am making these stereotypes more visible, and revealing them for what they really are: silly!
Q town: What has been the biggest obstacle in your career?
Johnny: Just like it’s hard to embarrass me, it’s pretty hard to keep me down! I’m such an irrepressible optimist that I tend to see challenging moments as opportunities rather than obstacles. But to answer your question, I’d say my greatest challenge has been juggling all the aspects of being a performer. Being a solo performance artist emerging into the first few years of their career means being one’s own manager, booking agent, accountant, press agent, and so on. I’ve been blessed to have great help all along the way, from my mom helping me construct costumes to my friends helping me design my website, but sometimes it does get overwhelming to be a one-person operation!
Q town: Are you still performing with The Tranny Roadshow and The Femme Show? Can you tell us about these shows?
Johnny: The Tranny Roadshow and The Femme Show are both touring shows that pull together artists from around the country, with works ranging from burlesque to poetry, ballet to clowning. The premise of The Tranny Roadshow is that all of the performers are transpeople, performing whatever work they want, on any topic. The Femme Show is a bit different—not all of us in the cast consider ourselves “femme”, but the performances all revolve around the topic of queer femininity and femme identity. I don’t have any tours lined up with The Tranny Roadshow right now, although I hope that our schedules intersect in the future! I love the diversity of the performers and the real range of talents and voices. I designed their 2010 logo, so I better join up with them again before the year is out! As for The Femme Show, we’re performing in New York in early June, and are planning an East Coast tour for mid-August: from Montréal down to D.C. Perhaps I can convince them to come back to Richmond with me!
Q town: Where can people find out more about you?
Johnny: They can check me out at www.johnnyblazes.com, www.twitter.com/johnnyblazes or www.facebook.com/johnnyblazes. But the best way to find out more is to come to my show and talk to me in person afterwards!
There is much, much more to Cupid Ojala than meets the eye. A graduate of VCU’s Painting and Printmaking program, this fall Cupid will be taking on NYC at the prestigious Parsons The New School of Design.
Q town sat down with Cupid at Lift coffee shop on Broad Street to hear his unique, fascinating and intimately personal story of art and transformation.
Q> What is the significance of the blindfolds in the paintings?
Cupid> They are a symbol of feeling powerless or out of control. Most of us can’t control situations pushed on us from outside forces. You can only control what’s within yourself. So, that’s the significance of those. But also, the blindfold is a significant symbol; it conjures up someone being in front of a firing squad. There is an anticipation something is going to happen. A situation in which the victim can’t escape from, or a reckoning.
Q> In addition to being an illustrator and a painter, you’re also a barber. Do you see barbering as another form of art, and what drew you to it?
Cupid> Absolutely. I love the aesthetic of a man’s really classic barbershop haircut. I think of haircutting as sculpting because you can change the shape of someone’s head by the way you cut their hair. I also feel like it’s a very masculine profession to be in, but it kind of walks this line because it’s kinda gay. Access to lots of men, talking to and touching guys. But you really get to connect with your clients and they trust your opinion of how they look and what you think. I see it as a way to meet a lot of different kinds of people. I have a lot of interesting conversations. I like to do a lot of portrait work in drawing and painting so I like to see all these different faces. I feel like I’ve gotten a lot of interesting perspectives on my transition because I’ve been out the whole time and told all my clients. Everyone in town knows, and if they don’t know it’s because they are a new client of mine or they just moved into town.
Q> Where are you originally from?
Cupid> I was born in Ontonagon, Michigan. Grew up in Bumpass in Louisa County, Virginia. I moved to Richmond and that’s where I’ve been the past fourteen years. Q> How do you feel about living in Richmond and would you say it’s a good place to be trans?
Cupid>Richmond has opened up within the last few years. The Fan Free Clinic started a Transgender Clinic to give access to hormones to people who want to transition. It has been fairly easy for me to be F2M and be out. Unfortunately it is hard to engage in the lgbtq community here because it revolves around a bar scene. And being open about being trans has its pitfalls such as being seen as an outsider and the butt of a joke in the queer community here. There is still a lot of fear and self-loathing about being a queer. My overall experience has been positive with a few exceptions.
Q> Can you tell us about the faucets on the trans characters?
Cupid> The faucets are a symbol of the surgery accessible to transgender men, which is, most of the time a utilitarian thing.That’s why I chose a faucet; water comes out and its the right shape.
Q> Richmond has such a vibrant queer artist community. Has it been easy to find your place within it?
Cupid> I feel like it’s just opening up to me now that I am about to leave for grad school. Richmond has seemed very closed for queer art in my opinion. Before this past year, none of my artwork was really shown in a queer context. I went to my first exclusively gay private art party over a year ago. It was in a private home and I got invited by one of the artists or would have never known that they occur in Richmond. At that time, my art didn’t fit in with the theme that the show was at that person’s house. It was all explicit gay erotica. Now that it does fit into that vein it’s great to be a part of it. Everyone networks with each other. If I hadn’t have met Aaron, I wouldn’t have met you, and I wouldn’t have been in a queer show at Capital One. I showed my drawings at the Schindler Satellite Gallery and because of the nature of my drawings, it was very provocative for First Friday. The gallery was fine with that, and they were like “people are going to come in and see that these are obviously queer, and it’s about questioning identity.”
At the Schindler Satellite I had two openings on the first Friday in March and April since it was up for both months. I’ve talked to a lot of people about the process of transitioning, what it’s like, how the drawings relate to each other, and the process I’ve been going through. And I found it to be an opportunity to teach people about something that they had no access to. They had never met anyone. They had never heard of this. I had a bunch of high school kids interview me at my opening and that was very flattering. Just the opportunity to talk to them about it felt really good. They weren’t afraid to ask questions and I wasn’t afraid to answer them.
Q> How much of yourself goes into your Trans Characters illustrations?
Cupid> It’s mostly autobiographical. A few of them are about other trans guys I know or other experiences I’ve heard about, but they’re mostly about things that I’ve done, or felt, or seen. Those were a daily journal where I made a drawing everyday for about three months.
Q> What are you working on now?
Cupid> I’ve kind of switched gears a little bit. I think I’m going to make some things. I’m working with jockstraps.
Q> How can people get in touch with you?
Cupid> Facebook! Facebook is the vortex of the galaxy.
Q> Anything else you want to add?
Cupid> If anyone wants to buy a 5 x 7 foot painting of me and two other guys smoking a cigar in blindfolds, it’s for sale. [laughs]
Part Four in a series by Cupid Ojala
